When my older siblings learned of my outing with my great niece, younger sister, and mom to the Lincoln sites in Springfield; they decided to plan another outing for us. They invited my sister and me to come along without our spouses. It was déjà vu – reminding us when our parents took us on family vacations when we were all children.

We spent the entire day together while travelling over 500 miles to our scenic destination and back. We took pictures, had our Passport to Your National Parks booklet stamped and dated, and shared our meals together. It was a full day as we learned so much about each other.

Bonding with siblings can be among the most rich, complex, and supportive relationships. We share jokes, history and so much more. It can also be very difficult – what with rivalry, birth order and our distinctive personalities to consider.

There are five siblings in my family. One of us has a controlling personality, while another likes to be in control but will not interfere if someone else takes control. One of us is very detail orientated; making sure everything is exactly as it should be. Finally, I would generously describe one of us as "discussing" events vigorously with people, while another always tries to avoid controversy and arguments.

As siblings grow older and more established in their own lives, it is easy to drift apart. Even if you do everything you can to stay close, a certain amount of distancing is inevitable. The demands of a spouse, children, education, career, a home, finances, and many other realities of life can put sibling relationships on the backburner.

As your parents age, you may find new conflicts arising between your siblings – or old conflicts in new forms. The decisions around caring for elderly parents can be especially contentious.

As in any relationship, a lack of communication skills can cause problems. Some general communication principles that can improve relationships include using appropriate language to communicate, listening, and trying to understand exactly what others have to say. It is important to stay close, be patient, and learn to communicate more effectively.

My siblings and I enjoyed our quality time together as a family again. However, I will have to admit it was nice to return to my home and wife without my siblings!

What a diverse and complex crew of children my parents raised. I understand now why they seemed so happy when we all left their house to start our separate adult lives. What a lesson to learn in retrospect.

###

Return to Lessons Learned