Shirley worked with older people every day. She often said that she thought she had experienced every situation that could arise with the elderly, especially since she became one too. She admits now that she hadn’t experienced it all until she found herself as a family caregiver.

The situation she found herself in while caring for her husband and mother when they needed help opened her eyes to the plight of the family caregiver. Shirley was a caregiver or one of the “sandwich-generation” as some people call caregivers like her.

It is estimated that 80 percent of all caregivers are family and friends caring for their loved ones. They are “sandwiched” between their household family and ailing parents. We don’t notice them until they become overloaded and need our help.

Shirley’s husband had open-heart valve replacement surgery and enjoyed good health for about thirteen years. Then he developed diabetes and became worst. He experienced fewer days of feeling good, and eventually passed away.

Family caregivers don’t always see their role as a caregiver. They believe they are just fulfilling their obligations for their family members. The frail person may complain that the family caregiver is too bossy sometimes and won’t let them do things for them self. Family caregivers often tend to want to make it easy for their loved ones and help too much sometimes.

Shirley’s my mother was 92 and in good physical shape until her mother had several mini-strokes, or TIA’s. Her mother’s short-term memory progressively got worse. Shirley now became the caregiver for her mother. This is often referred to as “role-reversal” as the adult child now cares for the aging parent who is now as fragile as a small child is.

Shirley turned to outside help. We employed in-home care and asked others to give her temporary relief from these daily stressful situations.

There are several good agencies to help keep your loved ones at-home until you have to make another choice. The best and quickest way to find out what in-home help is available is to call your local senior center. That’s what Shirley did.

Both her husband and mother are gone now. The stress of being their caregiver is over. However, Shirley doesn’t regret a day she spent trying to make their last days more comfortable.

Being a caregiver is a situation that no one can truly anticipate or understand until it presents itself to them. The best people rise to the occasion like Shirley did. It’s another lesson learned.

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