Joan visited her husband just about every day while he was in the nursing home. Even though her husband was in an advanced stage of dementia and rarely knew who she was, she felt strongly that her daily visits comforted him.

It troubled her when she realized that other residents in the nursing home never seemed to have visitors. Joan continued to visit the nursing home after her husband passed away in order to visit with others she had gotten to know during her husband’s illness.

She knew her visits could never replace visits by family, but she felt that she was contributing something to the lives of people who didn’t seem to have anyone else. She found friendship and saw a silver lining in the nursing home that very few others could see.

When I met Joan, she was talking with my grandma. My mother, aunt and uncles, and I visited often, but not every day. I came when I could but it was hard for me to talk with my grandma. We didn’t seem to have much in common other than family.

I’d ask about other family members and my grandma would tell me what they were doing, but we soon ran out of family matters to discuss. It was a challenge as both of us were quiet and reserved when we visited.

Joan told me to talk about the past, that many older people had a better memory of how things were than of current events. I began to ask my grandma about things I’d seen but hadn’t understood when I visited her as a child. I asked her about my grandpa who died when I was just 4 years old and about life in a small town after the great war and during the depression years.

My grandma’s eyes sparkled when she was given a chance to talk about her past. She had lived during a different time, when the world turned more slowly as people seemed to be more honest and cared for each other more. Listening to her stories and watching her eyes sparkle made my visits enjoyable.

I thanked Joan for helping me to understand how I could get to better know my grandma. I learned a great deal about my grandma and my mom, as well. Joan had discovered how to talk to strangers when she visited the nursing home and she was able to pass along that knowledge to me.

We need more people like Joan, people who are willing to spend time with residents in the nursing home. I haven’t seen her in many years, but she gave something valuable to me, my grandma, and to others she visited; she gave her time and her compassion. It wouldn’t surprise me if she continues to find friendship and see a silver lining that only a lucky few seem to see.

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