Joan met Frank through her brother after the men served in World War II. They were stationed together overseas, and the two men remained best friends when they returned home. Joan and Frank married after the war and had many happy years together.

Frank worked for the Post Office. He talked about his work even after he retired. He was responsible for the movement of the mail between communities throughout Southern Illinois. Joan and Frank also traveled extensively after he retired.

Once, two of Frank’s friends found him wandering, unable to find his way home. This was puzzling to them and extremely worrisome to Joan and their children. Joan and Frank went to a clinic to find out what was wrong. The probable diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease was a shock to them. Joan didn’t know much about Alzheimer’s Disease, so she started reading everything she could get her hands on.

At first, she avoided support groups, figuring that if she couldn’t handle it, it was her fault. But, she found that caring for Frank on her own was more than she could handle. Finally, she did go to a support group and found help and relief. Her daughter attended meetings with her, since she also needed the support.

The progress of Frank’s disease was different than most. He remembered names, which is very unusual. He talked about some of the trips they took together. He was pleasant, never cross with her or anyone around him. He seemed happy. Actually, Joan and their children probably suffered more than Frank did at first.

As a caregiver, Joan made sure that Frank had as good a quality of life as was possible under the circumstances. For a while she took care of him at home. She had to give up home care when her blood pressure went up so high that she was at medical risk.

Their children were supportive and helped when they could. They helped look for a place where Frank could be cared for 24 hours a day, which is exactly what both Frank and Joan needed. Joan visited the care center daily and stayed actively involved in Frank’s care. He still needed to know his family was there and cared about him.

Joan’s advice to other caregivers is to encourage caregivers to take one day at a time. With Alzheimer’s disease, caregivers are in for the long haul. Not only do they have to take care of their loved one, but also themselves which is why her support group helped her. It also helps if caregivers can keep their sense of humor, and surround themselves with family, friends, and outside activity.

It’s good advice for the caregiver of a loved one regardless of the illness or disease, and another lesson learned for me.

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