We all have choices to make every day – what we eat, where to go, and how to act. Our choices always have consequences. Sometimes these consequences are expected and pleasant, but not always.

Randy was 68 years old when I met him. He lived alone and seemed quit depressed all the time. I assumed, like everyone else did, that his mood was tailored by his lack of human companionship.

He had made a lot of bad choices in his life. He knew he was harming only himself, but he didn’t seem to care. He drank too much, he didn’t eat right, and he never seemed to get enough sleep.

His bad choices were causing his health to deteriorate more quickly than if he had taken better care of himself. No one was able to get him to change his daily habits.

Occasionally Randy would come into the office to offer a complaint. It was obvious that he had been drinking. His clothes and hair were a mess, his gait a bit wobbly, and his speech near incoherent.

My mother taught me years ago to make my own decisions and live with the consequences. And, by doing so, to accept the consequences my choices entailed.

On one visit from Randy I decided to confront him as to why he didn’t care for himself any better than he did. I expected to hear excuses and half-truths. He surprised me by telling me a story from his youth that he never would have told if he were sober.

I promised him not to divulge the details of his story, but it was bad. Let’s just say that not everyone lived through his experience. He had always felt responsible because of the choices he made early in life. It depressed him every day for the rest of his life.

By confronting him, I found out a little more about him than I wanted to know about anyone. I felt, however, that it was in his best interests to confront him about his bad choices. I wasn’t sure he’d live much longer if he didn’t make changes in his lifestyle.

I was glad that I had confronted Randy and learned of his inner pain. I told him of the lesson I learned from my mother about making decisions and accepting the consequences. It helped me understand what he was going through. I couldn’t make his pain go away, but I understood why he made the choices he did.

Randy appreciated my concern and understanding. He continued to make his own decisions but was learning to accept the consequences, too.

###

Return to Lessons Learned