Chuck
by John M. Smith, Executive Director
Egyptian Area Agency on Aging

We’ve all done it at one time or another. Absolutely convinced that we are right, we refuse to listen to any other viewpoint. No matter how logical and convincing that other viewpoint may be, we will not listen or accept it.

Many times we fail to accept others’ viewpoints because we are mad, and our anger distorts our ability to listen, understand, and accept others’ views. Other times we are sure we are right based on past biases, and we don’t want to admit that we are wrong.

Sometimes we’re just plain stubborn, and no amount of discussion will ever change our minds! We don’t want to listen or admit we are wrong. That is how I felt Chuck reacted when he was presented with a logical explanation to a family problem.

Chuck had convinced himself that he was deliberately being ostracized by his family just because his views weren’t the same as theirs’. Chuck had an opinion about every topic and only his view was correct. This caused a difficulty with his family members.

I’m not sure why Chuck had such firm views, or why his mind was closed to new viewpoints. His views appeared to be quickly formed, and they never wavered. He liked to engage in lively conversation and prove he was always right.

Chuck often raised his voice and showed no respect for the viewpoint of others. He has had this trait ever since childhood. Time had not “mellowed” him any. If anything, his convictions seemed to grow stronger with time.

I talked to him about how his family treats him, and about his stubborn nature. Chuck insisted that he was right. He always offers advice to others, but rarely if ever takes any, and certainly not from me.

I felt bad that I couldn’t get through to Chuck as sometimes we only have one chance to make things right with our family. Sometimes we have to admit to family members that we are wrong no matter how much this hurts our ego. Chuck was losing any last chance he had to make things right with his family all because he couldn’t admit he was wrong.

I believe that truly listening to family members, and offering advice only when asked, makes for better family relationships. Having the opportunity to make up any lost opportunities to listen without offering a viewpoint is rare. We don’t always get a second chance to admit it when we are wrong, a lesson with which we all need help at one time or another.

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