Arlene had to know, be involved with, and in control of everything. She was a nice person actually, except that her obsession to be the person “in charge” of everything made her an annoyance to all and disliked by many.

Arlene was an older participant at a senior center I managed. She was involved in every activity and got other people involved, as well. When the senior center needed someone to be in‑charge and setup our pinochle games, Arlene was the first to volunteer. When someone was needed to call the bingo games, she jumped at the chance.

All of her help was appreciated. However, the atmosphere at the senior center changed as Arlene’s take charge attitude made her feel qualified to be in charge of how people interacted with each other, what they said, and who would help with the senior center’s activities, as well.

Soon, she was telling staff of the senior center what they should be doing. This “ultra in‑charge” attitude didn’t go over well with either the clientele of the senior center or its staff members. Things had to change if everyone was to remain happy.

I always liked for everyone at the senior center to get along with each other. I liked happy senior participants and staff members. I never liked to make a “public scene” over issues like this. Initiating a confrontation with someone was never my strong point, but I knew something must be said.

I struggled for several weeks trying to figure out how to confront Arlene. I liked her and appreciated all her help at the senior center. Finally, I called Arlene into my office and we had a heart-to-heart conversation. I asked her how she felt things were going at the center. She was disappointed that her efforts seemed to be resented by so many people.

I asked Arlene if there was something we could do to reverse this atmosphere of resentment. After several suggestions from her about what others could do, I asked Arlene if there was anything she could do to make things better since she was in charge of so many different activities at the senior center.

Slowly Arlene began to realize that she needed to be less of an overly protective mother hen and more of a friend and neighbor. She began to change her attitude even though it was difficult for her.

It’s another lesson learned. Sometimes we all need to stop and consider the views of others when we are in charge. None of us want to be an annoyance to all or disliked by many.

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