“When you grow up,” according to Diane Arbus, an American photographer, “your mother says, ‘Wear rubbers or you’ll catch cold.’ When you become an adult, you discover that you have the right not to wear rubbers and to see if you catch cold or not. It’s something like that.”

Alice is now a pre-teen who is exploring the world around her. Each day her mother tells her to do something, like wear her rubber boots and each day they fight about it. Her mother is having a hard time relating to her pre-teen. Alice is too young to make most decisions for herself, and too old to be told what to wear, do, or say.

When she was younger, Alice thought her mother was very wise. Alice saw every day as an adventure, a time to see and learn new things. She didn’t like to miss anything. She loved the excitement of everything around her and asked her mother to explain everything.

Her busy little fingers had to be placed in every mud hole. Frogs, butterflies, and fireflies had to be captured, inspected, and returned safely to the world. Her eyes never stop scanning the people around her. She looked for interesting faces, delightful smiles, and funny grimaces.

When she was younger, Alice had cute little dance costumes with all the accessories. These were kept in her room, and only worn when her mother allowed her to wear them. One morning, her Mother came in to wake her up and saw that she had worn her costumes without permission. Her mother demanded to know why the costumes were spread all over her room. It was the start of a long stream of arguments with her daughter.

When she was younger, Alice demanded to know why! She asked her mother to explain everything. She wanted to see, hear, play with, listen to, talk to, and be a part of everything and everybody. It was all wondrous, colorful, and delightful.

Now, as a pre-teen, Alice doesn’t think she needs her mother to tell her anything. She wants to decide for herself whether to wear her rubber boots.

“The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise,” according to Alden Nowlan, a well-known Canadian poet.

Growing up is not easy. I’ve heard others say that we never grow up, that all of us are just very large children with different layers. We wear our rubber boots because we don’t want to catch cold, not because our mothers told us so.

Life is like that. Just ask Alice.

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