Alfred (not his real name) greeted me at the entrance of the dining room of the assisted living facility where he lived. It seemed as if he was the unofficial host for strangers like me who came to visit the facility. I was with a group of visitors who were preparing to eat lunch with the building’s tenants.

I enjoyed eating lunch with Alfred as he was good company. He filled me in on the daily activities scheduled in the facility, including the group sing-along and nondenominational religious services to be offered in one of the private recreational rooms in the building.

He was a tenant in a building which looked more like a “five-star” hotel than an assisted living facility. There were rooms in the building which were filled with exercise equipment, arts and craft supplies, and computer labs. An examination room was available for a visiting nurse and a hair-dresser took appointments for Thursday mornings in a room equiped with salon-style furnishings.

I found out that although Alfred conversed intelligently, he routinely forgot what he was told. He became confused easily and often did not know which day it was. He had a mild form of dementia and it would probably get worse. He had come to live in the assisted living facility in order to be in a setting where staff on-site 24-hour hours a day could watch after him when he needed help.

Licensed assisted living facilities in Illinois are based on a social, rather than a medical model. Services provided by assisted living promote dignity, individuality, privacy, independence, autonomy, and the decision-making ability of the residents. Residents maintain their right to negotiate the amount of risk they want to take in caring for themselves while staff are available if extra help is needed.

Alfred seemed to thrive in this setting. He maintained his independence, but his family could rely on the staff of the assisted living facility if he became confused or had other unexpected needs.

As we talked at lunch that day, I learned that Alfred had nearly died once while still living in his own house. He was alone since his wife had died a few years before and no one noticed when he fell and couldn’t summon help.

It made me realize how vulnerable we all are when we are alone. Living with others and having them check on us regularly is such an important security blanket.

Sometimes it’s easy to take for granted that someone special in our lives who watches after us. I think I’ll go home tonight and give my special someone a hug for no apparent reason.

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