We all get frustrated when others don’t listen to us, or when we think they listen but they don’t do as we say.

A older man once told me that the best way to get someone to remember and do what we say is to get their complete attention first, and then speak to them softly and with respect. I didn’t completely understand what he meant or how to do it, so I asked him to elaborate.

My older friend, who shall remain anonymous, suggested that first I use a 2 by 4 piece of wood, about 3 feet long, and hit the person whose attention I wanted across the head with it in order to get their complete attention. This, he explained, almost always worked. The person on the receiving end was ready to hear what you had to say next.

After getting their attention, he emphasized, speak softly and with respect. He never wanted to use big words as the person whose head he hit was probably throbbing in severe pain, nor show that person disrespect after clobbering them unexpectedly.

My older friend’s methods are a bit extreme, to say the least, but he insisted that they were 100 percent effective. I’ve been somewhat shy to try them myself, although there have been many an occasion where I thought about using his "tried and true methods."

Often, however, I merely threaten someone by telling them that if they didn’t listen that I’d get my trusty “2 by 4”. But, I don’t have one. I never took "shop" classes in high school and would not know what to do with a 2 by 4 even if I had one, except to hit someone with the large piece of lumber, of course.

Anyway, my parents always taught me to be nonviolent. So hitting someone with a 2 by 4 will have to remain a fantasy of mine.

I have to admit, however, I do enjoy threatening others with a 2 by 4 when they don’t listen. I try to make it a humorous and nonviolent threat in order to get people’s attention.

It’s a very powerful and controlling threat, even if it’s meant as humor. We all like to think we are powerful and in control.

Just one last word of advice to the kids who might read this article ... don’t try this at home. It’s only for frustrated and crazy grownups. It’s not meant for good kids like you.

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