| Depression |
By L. Kem.
Recently I visited a friend of many years. Her husband had died not long ago after an
extended illness. We chatted awhile and I noticed she seemed extremely sad. She
invited me into her bedroom to check on a window she could not close. As I
looked about the very neat and orderly room, I was glaringly aware of a
startling fact. Every wall was decorated with pictures. However, every picture
was of someone deceased. I was in a picture gallery of the past. Her room held
only memories of the past and nothing of the present. I suddenly felt sadness
and depression closing in on me!
As we were close friends, I asked why only those pictures and none of children or grandchildren were present. As she shared with me, I heard about loss after loss after loss. Loss of family, friends, business associates, health, hearing, vision, and the ability to get around as easily were recounted. She also mourned the loss of her home where the children grew up.
One of her major losses was that of a future. What was left for her were thoughts of the past, isolation, loneliness, and the litany of “if only,” “what if” and “why.” The overriding sentiments seemed to be of sadness, loneliness and “I can't.”
As we continued talking, my concern for my friend increased. This usually neatly dressed lady had not combed her hair and her clothes were wrinkled. She appeared lethargic, and had lost several pounds. The joy in her life seemed to have been replaced by anger and hopelessness. Some of her statements were “My family would be better off without me,” “I probably won't be around much longer,” and “There's really nothing left for me to live for.”
My friend was depressed. Most of us experience bouts of depression of varying degrees at times during our lives. These can often be associated with traumatic events, stressors, and losses. Depression in the elderly occurs with increased frequency as the number and severity of the events, stressors, and losses seem to be compounded.
It is very important for relatives, friends, ministers, community workers, and all those in contact with the elderly to recognize symptoms of depression and neglect. Then the most important step is to take action before the depression becomes deeper and leads to suicide – a major concern in the elderly.
As my friend and I talked more about her situation, she agreed to see a doctor for evaluation and antidepressant medications. She also expressed the need for a purpose and a reason to “be”! As we shared, several ideas emerged for possible ways of counteracting the depression and “I can't” attitude:
- Establish and maintain a routine;
- Stay in contact with people who give you support or join a support group;
- Talk with others and get out of the house as often as possible;
- Develop an interest and pursue it;
- Get a pet;
- Remain interested in what your grandchildren are doing and support them;
- Give of yourself by volunteering, phoning others, etc.;
- Stay connected through your church or community senior center program;
- Focus on positives;
- Call someone – don't wait on them to call you!
- Get outside if possible – if not, set up a bird feeder and watch the birds; and
- Above all – focus on the “can” rather than the “can't.”
As we age, none of us can do the things we once could do. However, there are things we can do. As we take action in the present, depression decreases.
How is my friend today? She plays piano for her church and at a nursing home. As a volunteer at the hospital and at a child care center, her services are invaluable. I will have lunch with her again next week – when she returns from a trip with her “ladies group!”
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